Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Are we resting yet?
I learned a long time ago, that when I find myself getting too anxious about the family.... the job... the lack of job... the health... whatever, it's usually a good indication that my focus is off of Jesus and onto myself. Here of late is no exception.
As a fourth grade teacher in a rural public school district, I feel like I am constantly called to jump through hurdles. The hurdles are starting to drag me down. Grading mountains of papers. Going to meeting after meeting, lunch duty, workshops, and somewhere between all of that scratch out some lesson plans, making sure I notate my differentiating instruction for IEP justification. It seems as though my every waking minute is geared towards something in teaching. It's easy to see why good teachers leave the profession. Not teach? I just can't imagine not teaching in some form or fashion. However, I am growing weary. It seems like this will never get through. I want to spend time in the word... on my blogs... etc.
The thing is, there are so many things I want to do, but have no energy to do them. So many things I want to learn--and justifiable to further the cause of the gospel. Who am I kidding? Have I not already been down this road with God? "God, if you'll let me do_______, or heal me of _________, or make it possible for me to learn _________, think how much benefit it would serve as I utilized it for the gospel!" I have tried to sell God my bill of goods before. He didn't bite then, He's not biting now. As if God needed my help to further the gospel?
God has called me to simply be available for and to Him. Teaching is the desire He's put into my heart, and I'll simply teach, until He--not the politicians move me elsewhere. Meanwhile, my yoke is hard, and my burden hard. I'm not resting. As a by product, my body is racked with exhaustion. Surely I'm not the only one that's ever felt that way, am I? Do you have a story to share?
The neat thing about this story, is that, as a child of God, when God sees we're not resting, we don't have to worry... He'll just gently lead us back to that rest, and comfort us. Snuggle down, rest, have the light yoke and easy burden. To wear anything else is simply silly.