Sunday, May 16, 2010

A time for all things

I just realized something about myself today. I don't do change that well.  A couple of weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a workshop with a co-worker and boss. My boss is great. She and I have so much in common. We're both in Christ, we both love teaching,  and love playing the piano. This is where I get uncomfortable. She plays for a local church congregation, and doesn't understand why I don't. To be honest, I don't  understand it either. I love the fellowship I have online, but it does seem that the piano is laying dormant. So... maybe that was an omen that I should go church surfing again? A friend once told me, "If you find the perfect church, don't go--you'll mess it up!" Of course, he was jokingly being serious, but I got the message. Still, what should I be able to overlook? What should I stand my ground on? Is it time for me to change--again?
Not to worry, I know the right decision was made years ago, when I walked away from the congregation I was in. God has used other ministries and people to teach me what HE needed me to know--things that were not being taught in the local congregation of the time.

So now what? Now that the teaching has been done, is it time for me to go back into the local brick and mortar church? The only thing driving me as of a couple of weeks ago was guilt. Guilt isn't of God. Still, the music has lain dormant. Is it time for it to awaken again? I really enjoy our online fellowship on Sunday mornings. I feel closer to them than I have most face to face fellowship.

FWD to this morning. As our gang gathered up to our computers, logged onto our audio chat conferences, a fellow brother in Christ shared some good news with us. It seems that, at long last, his wife and a couple of his kids, and a daughter's boyfriend, have had the desire to attend a local fellowship. He is excited at the prospect of being able to share conversations of Jesus with his family, and who could blame him? What that means for our little group, is that it's one less Bible man we'll have in our midst. How selfish can I get?? I am thrilled that he has this opportunity. Were the situation reversed, I would be ecstatic to share Jesus conversations with my husband.

Given to this, one of my other buddies have backed out of our group as well, due to his family life and work responsibilities. I know he was a God sent answer to prayer, but apparently only for a short amount of time.

What am I afraid of? Thinking back, I recall an online friendship being flushed down the royal toilet. I thought I would be forever alone in my quest for Godly truth. Silly me, a week or so later, God sends me more friends, and little by little, He works things out that is in the best interest for everyone. If God did that back then, why would I fail to think He'd do it now? My fear of the unknown is nothing more than a demonstration of my lack of faith in God.

Sigh... how discouraging. I've seen God do such miraculous things time and time again. Yet, I could kick myself when I get down like that. It's time for me to chill out, stop stressing when my world changes, and start exercising a little bit more faith that God, Who has always seen me through in the past, is perfectly willing and capable of doing it again.

Okey doke, old girl. Just leave the pitty party, enjoy the family and friends that God gave you, and don't be discouraged when God starts rearranging. He's got the best in mind for everyone..

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